My mum died, so I started a newsletter
For connection, community and catharsis, or possibly just talking to myself
Since the (sadly still-ongoing) pandemic began, I’ve had fewer opportunities to connect with people in real life and since I stopped blogging and posting on Twitter, I’ve missed feeling like part of an online community.
When my mum died at the end of July, it was the last straw.
Casting about for connection and catharsis, I came back to the idea of writing about what I was going through — grief, isolation, chronic illness and the incipient signs of perimenopause in a turbulent time for humanity and the planet.
But, you know, FUN.
I started by setting out my situation:
Something terrible is happening
As I shambled down a warren of hospital corridors four months ago, head aching, feet throbbing and Mel Giedroyc’s hilarious yet alarming episode of Off Menu soundtracking my trek from ward to hallway to lift to hallway to toilet to hallway to lift to hallway to ward, one thought ran through my mind:
One of my most popular posts was this one…
Now I understand why Cheryl Strayed did heroin
If you’re feeling grief-y or you know me in real life, you might find this harder to read but please know I’m not planning to harm myself and I don’t want advice (thanks). If you’re worried about your own mental health, Samaritans are always there on 116 123 or try
and people were also keen to know the answer to the question:
Is this as good as it gets?
In the last four and a half months I have — crudely, unscientifically and entirely without permission — divided the world into two.
(Not the movie.)
I also discussed suicidal feelings, to lighten the mood:
So much of grieving is suicide prevention
When we talk about grief, we talk a lot about how to cope. What we rarely expand on is what we mean by that.
But naturally, none of that was one iota as popular as this little note about rejecting the conformity, constant demands and unceasing consumerism of wellness culture:
I’d like to think this newsletter could become a community, a place where like-minded people can congregate, connect and feel that none of us is ever truly alone.
But, you know, FUN.
I LOLed at the why Cheryl Strayed did heroine line! From my POV, it was a very logical decision.
It's utterly amazing how varied our experiences can be on this earth. I've read Strayed's memoir more than once. I look forward to reading yours if you ever work your essays up for publication. In the meantime I am enjoying reading your reflections and recollections. It's a shame I didn't see/realize you'd written a longer post on your first Christmas without your mum when I responded from the gut to your note on the occasion. I assumed you were writing about the isolation of CC people, and went on that way. I'm sorry to have made my response about me but I'll leave it up. I've since expressed my condolences elsewhere, on another of your threads. I know it will be am especially painful holiday season for you this year. Take care.